Packing. Cleaning. Stressing. Victoria. Paperwork. Repeat.

That's pretty much it. Eric, Carol and I have been going non-stop since we got back from Shambles. Eric is sick and fevering out in my room while Carol and I wash windows. We're stopping for a puff >.<

In conclusion, moving is exhausting but I'm excited (and a little scared). We did find a place so that's good :D Let me know if you want the address!

Life is surprisingly okay. Actually, it's kind of fucking awesome. I feel bad for how happy I am when I know other people are upset and suffering. I'm chilling out at home, cleaning up and job searching. I had a wicked night doing some gaming stuff with an old friend and a new one and was walked "home" by a very handsome man.

Less than a month to Shambles!!!! I cannot wait to turn my back on the world for a week and let loose.

Tomorrow, in theory, I find out if I got the job. I'm giving them until Wednesday before I start spazzing. So keep your fingers crossed that I both get the job and don't have to move for it heh

I think I had one of the greatest days ever yesterday. I hung out all day with a wonderful man and just did kickass stuff. Without going into silly little girl details it was great. Stayed up all night, made breakfest together with his awesome roommates, chilled and played rockband, went and saw a wicked show and walked home tipsey in the rain eating poutine. Kinda fucking awesome. I think I'm really starting to enjoy myself heh

I'm also learning self-control lol After the Saturday gong show I don't think I can handle doing that again. Too scary y'know? Regardless of the negatives that may have occured a lot of positive has happened. I know what my priorities now hah!

I hope you're all doing well my lovelies. Right now I enjoying the quit ramblings of my Anthropology crew and really happy. Reminds me why I love my Anthro/Archy freaks.

I hope you're well :)

Wow, what a year it's been. Jonathan and I have broken up, I'm living with Carol (Anita's mom) which is awesome, I graduated from UBC with a BA in Anthropology and I'm unemployed. First time ever I've been without work. So that's...entertaining. But I have an interview on Friday so that's nice.

I'm trying to think of something profound to say but sadly nothing is coming to mind. I want to go on a walk but I don't know the hood I'm in too well so I should wait for a certain someone to come home.
Really all I want to do is just reach out and see whose hands I come across in the dark. I sort of feel like I've come full circle. It feels like I spent so much time "getting away" from it all, with school or mum or any other excuse I could fabricate, that I didn't actually pay attention to where I was going. I'm right back where I started. Wiser, yes. Stronger, probably. It almost feels like this entire lesson was meant to teach me that classic little phrase "where ever you go, there you are". Dang, eh? Just when I thought I was all smart and educated. Maybe just the recognition of that fact is enough to set me on a new trek. Who knows.

Regardless my lovelies, I have missed this little corner of the world.

lol and just to prove my point they decide to go out for dinner....so wtf was the point of carrying around a shit load of balloons for our lovely dinner? I mean they asked if I wanted to come but ffs I have a fucking mid-term tomorrow!!! I can't sit in a restruant for 3 hours. Not possible. Thanks hon.... 

I feel a bit better. Not a lot but a bit. I went to the airport like a good little girl and met the in-laws. Nice people. Sobered up quick enough (surprising for how corked I was) and then came home and fell asleep. I wrote a super long poem on the bus ride home which was nice. Made me feel a lot better in the moment.

Work was up and down, good moments and shitty ones. So pretty typical I guess. I'm a little pissed because now that J's brother is here he's kinda ignoring me a bit lol I know I should suck it up but you know how it is. They decided that they're going to be late coming home because they wanted to go see the baby beluga. Thanks for waiting for one of my days off guys. I know I should stop bitching but it kinda pisses me off. I brought balloons home as a surprise for them because we were all going to have dinner. Knowing them they'll end up out for dinner. Wouldn't be too bad I guess, I have a mid-term so no one to bother me would be alright. I don't know I was looking forward to having a house full of nice people when I came home. lol I know what you're thinking. Stop whining right? Where else am I suppose to whine? The people who still read this don't really know these people so it's safe. If I can't write it here then my outlet is really no where.

Anyways thank you to everyone who left supportive comments the other day. They were truly needed and most appreciated. I hope you're all doing well out there in the ether.

Ciao.

I don't even know how to start this off. I'm so fucking fucked up right now it's beyond explanation. I'm drunk again, mainly because that's the only time I'm honest with myself. Life is too big and I'm too small. I can't figure out how to make any of this work anymore. My partner is leaving. Both of them. So what the fuck now? I'm in this house with so many memories and all I can do is just sit here and pretend none of it is happening. Pretend that the trip to Sweden is everything I want. But by going to Sweden that officially marks the beginning of the end. When I leave Sweden he won't be coming with me and I have to be some strong adult and make this relationship work.

I don't want to be an adult right now. I want to pretend that I'm still young and can make stupid mistakes and waste my money on corsets and booze. But I can't. I have to save and plan because the mighty "what-if" looms over me. Ok so here's the truth I am terrified of dying. I don't want the cancer to come back and take me. Even more so I don't want to leave a life where people who would be the most affected would cry and think that I hadn't done more. I'm doing more than most 22 year olds are doing and I resent it. I want to be irresponsible and not care about what will happen next month. But to be honest I have my life planned till approximatley 35. I mean I know people do that to some extent but mine is unhealthy I can feel it. So what the fuck now?

And what's even worse is I'm drinking straight Vermouth. Foul but lovely. Oh life what the fuck am I supposed to do with you now?

We did it. The flight is set. I'm leaving for Sweden for three weeks on August 4th at 8ish in the evening. I'm beyond excited. But at the same time it's quite bitter-sweet. Once I leave Sweden on the 25th that will be the last time I see Jonathan until Christmas. That's a very scary and sad thought for me. But at the same time we have a plan and we can't keep putting off life y'know? I need to finish my degree. I need to get my grad school applications dealt with and resist the temptation to find a school that may not be the best for me but in Sweden. He needs to start his degree and decide that direction he wants that aspect of his life to go in.

A lot of balls in the air eh?

But I"m excited to have the opportunity to go there, meet his family, see what it's all about and have him for one more month.

It seems the dog is lonely. I should play with her.


Ok so appearnlty the dog is lonely the dog is vomitting up lettuce on the floor >.< Dang. How the fuck she found it I have no idea. The owner isn't home and I REALLY don't want to clean it up right now.  She's a lovely dog and all but it's not my dog thus not my mess. I guess that kind of makes me a bitch.

Anyways, I'm off to deal with doggy puke.

I'm not a 100% sure how I feel these days. A bit melancholy I think. My mom's best-friend died a few days ago. Rather suddenly as well. So the whole the household is quite upset obviously. I feel so bad for my mother. She doesn't open easily and to be honest she doesn't really have any friends outside of the family. This was a person who was all hers. And now she's gone. Makes me wonder.

I went into the hospital on Tuesday and am now at 9 years of cancer-free goodness. Huzzah.

My German final is today. I think I'm pretty much prepared. A little tired but I think I'll do well enough.

I can't stop dwelling on Jonathan leaving for Sweden. I really don't want him to. I guess I'm just feeling negative right now.

Maybe I just need some R&R lol

Fuck you German, fuck you.

Oh yah it was a day today. Sidewalk Sale and our balloon department was so freakin' busy. But this is good because I get to learn a lot during this hectic shifts. I have to figure it out. Plus I get to be creative again :D Yay balloons.

Jonathan is working late tonight so I get the place to myself for a few hours. This is nice. Don't get my wrong I like living with him and all but I also like sitting anywhere on the bed and watching shitty girl shows lol I did bring him home a surprise though. Two very large champagne balloons and a big beer mug balloon. Seriously my job rocks.

It's odd, I'm listening to very relaxed music that I stole from a friend while MuchLoud is muted on the TV. Makes me feel cool if I'm still somehow connected to metal music lol

Lately I've been filling very nostalgic. I'm not 100% sure as to why but I've been replaying a lot of break-ups and scenarios where friendships have ended. Or just thinking about how I suddenly realized I had completely drifted to the other side of the river with out noticing I was cut off. I don't know if any of you care or even noticed but I thought it was worth mentioning. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the two most important people in my life are jumping the pond a month of each other. What do I do then? Where do I stand? Who is going to be there? I'm sure it'll be fine but I can't help but wonder. I do have the club at school and Rick still. So it could be a shit load of a lot worse.

Someone basically asked me to cheat on J the other day. That was entertaining. Reminds me why I have such issues with people in the first place. But lets not be negative I suppose.

Anyways my hip and knee are killing me so off I go to deal with that.

Work was hectic today. Our supervisor called in sick and our managers had an intense meeting for almost three hours. So for awhile there we were all a little fucked lol But we dealt with it and no one was too pissed off with us. The nice thing with this job is that if people are assholes to us our supervisors and boss' will back us. Such a nice feeling in the retail world :D

Well anyways I'm just relaxing with my wunderschones Mann :D A foot rub, dinner and beer....fuck yah :D

I feel like an ass but I had to call in sick to work today just so I can get my fucking assingment done. I worked for ever on it yesterday and was really quite disciplined about it but there was just too much work to do in the amount of time I had to do it in.  I really hope I don't get into shit because of this. I mean I went through the right channels etc so I should be ok >.< I just have a Catholic conscious when it comes to work I guess.

In other news my homework is insanely intensive! God I can't wait until this language credit is done. But to be honest I might just take 300 in September, by then I'll be pretty damn good at speaking/read/writing German. Hey if anyone on here speaks German we should go for coffee and practice!

Alright meine Freunde, ich muss mein hausafgaben schreiben!

Tschus!

It's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster the last few days. Jonathan had some friends over on Monday night. Turns out their Swedish and deciding to check out North America. Cool enough guys, a little weird but that's just the Swedish in them. Made me think though. What's it going to be like when I go there? Are they all going to be distant and reluctant to speak English? J constantly reassures me that they'll love me and that I'll get along just fine. But doesn't change the fact that there's gonna be one hell of a culture shock when I go over there.

Now on to the work drama. Up until yesterday we had pigeons trapped in our ceiling. It kinda sounded like little elephants running around in the vents. Kinda freaky when you're all by yourself at closing lol We had been trying to figure a way of getting them out ourselves because the Orkin guy hadn't shown up yet. So armed with a large balloon bag (it's a big mofo lol) a tall ladder and lots of spotters one girl is in mid ladder climb when our retail manager busts us. She tells us to get John, the warehouse manager to do it because we shouldn't be climbing up the ladders. Fair enough. So we call him. He shows up and my god didn't that man yell. He was so pissed off that we were bugging him. See little did we know that he was the only one in the warehouse besides this one other gentleman who is less than productive. Now to make matters worse we had customers on the floor. Thankfully my supervisor snapped into action and told him to get off the floor if he's going to yell like that. Now the whole time buddy is yelling at ME because I was the one who opened my mouth first to begin to say we needed help with the pigeons. Not such a good day at work. He did apologize eventually which was nice and I understand what stress can do to a person but it just kinda sucked to be yelled at.

Well now I'm off to be productive and get as much German done as possible so I can hand in my portfolio tomorrow and now get a shitty grade lol

Ciao!

I don't know what it was about work today but I wanted to go home at 9:30 lol I'm so fucking bagged and my knee is super swollen >.< I'm at home and trying not to be cranky and take it out on the Swede. Be was a very sweet boy and bought donuts for us today heh It's funny he surprised me with donuts and I surprised him with a big balloon from work

Anyways, it's soup time. Tata loves!

I'm watching the cat chase the bubble footprints across the floor.  Life is nice and relaxing :)

So apparently I was a little more drunk than I thought last night. My freakin' head hurts >.< I've turned the brightness on my laptop down lol

So I've been thinking I want to host a wee little board games night at mine and J's house. Play some Bang, a couple of a games of Citadels and all sorts of rad geekery. Would anyone be up for that? A bottle or 3 of wine and some awesome games in the sunshine :D

Ok time for some hungover food :p

I had the most wonderful day today. Wandered around downtown with Jonathan and then eventually made our way to Granville Island. I love it when we just wander all over the city and eventually end up somewhere.

After spending a bunch of money on some lovely scallops we made dinner together, got drunk on a big bottle of wine and ate on the patio in the lovely balmy summer air....what a great day.

It's days like this that make me realize how much I'm going to miss him but at the same time realize that we'll be fine for the 9 months apart. Life is wonderful on days like today :)

Yay I survived my first full week at work! Though my knee keeps swelling up to the size of a grapefruit >.< It's alright though, it's only making it strong :)

So J's brother and fiance are coming down in a monthish and they've decided to elope! This makes me happy, especially because they want some rad 20's costume stuff as their outfits (which my new job can provide!) so I'm sure I'm going to have fun with this.

Well anyways I'm bagged and the boy wants to cuddle ^^

Ciao!

So my room-mate won't stop singing Beyonce's "Take me away" or some such bs like that. He's a very stoned gay man and I love him, really I do but jesus if I hear that song one more fucking time....

Anyways after having a lovely dinner and cup of tea with my man I feel a bit better than this afternoon (did I mention I had a killer head-ache? probably not) So now I have to finish up  my German, do my laundry and start reading my new book!!!

I love the summer ^^